Writing - Narrative Writing

This is more of my story so far. This is my problem at the moment but I am going to add more to make it more problematic. I hope you like my story so far

Ashleigh had just arrived at gary’s house. Gary was just making a soul into a potion of death. Ashleigh had knocked on the door and gone inside. “Gary? Are you here?”,Ashleigh had said. Gary had quickly hidden the potion and looked like he was doing something “ Hello, Princess Ashleigh, how are you? What do you need from an old octosquid like me.” ,He had asked her. “I’m well Gary. I actually want a potion so I can become a human, I want to experience how humans live.” Ashleigh had muttered. Gary had a double take, Ashleigh the future queen of the ocean, wanted to become a human. “ I can do that, BUT you have to make me a important role in the castle. I want to over-” Gary had stopped himself before he could say his master plan. He wanted to overtake the castle but he had to be able to go inside the castle first. He thought he deserved the crown.  He was wrong, he would lead everyone to despair.