Food fight of the day.

 W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

The red Sentences are the improvements I made

Second Draft

Food Fight of the day

Today was a typical Monday sunny afternoon, me and my parents, who are buffaloes were just going for a walk in the dry grassland of the African Savannah. We were just looking for food because I was hungry.  We were walking peacefully looking around the river bank until my dad told me and my mom to stay put, we asked him why and he said ‘I think we're being targeted right now’.

As my dad was looking for something, I could see a lion's head.  I thought I was hallucinating but I wasn’t!  I saw my dad’s eyes grow ‘Lions, run!’ he shouted.  I could hear faint screeching noises of the lions telling them to chase after us.  I could smell danger lying ahead.  My parents ran without me by their side thinking I was.  As soon as I ran I could see the lions chasing one thing, ME!

I wasn’t as slow as my parents so I was pretty fast for a calf.  I could see desire in their eyes as they chased me, licking their long looking filthy tongues at my rich juicy meat.  Wham! I got knocked into the river I was beside.

I tasted something I never tasted before, blood! I felt like a chicken running away from death.  Swimming up I could feel 2 fluffy and soft hands helping me up, I thought it was my parents, but no it was two lion’s trying to eat me alive!  I could feel a pull on my leg.  I became quiet.  I thought this animal wasn't allowed in the savannas because of what he did to my brother, Jack.  I Looked behind me and saw who it was, it was the animal who killed my brother, A CROCODILE!!  I started struggling to get out of the grip of these predators but I couldn’t.  I felt like a chew toy being pulled by two dogs playing tug-o-war. Finally the lions pulled me out of the water and brought me to their territory, trying to kill me.

I could hear loud stomping feet coming towards me. I knew who it was, My HERD!!  I called out to them and they came running towards me, as they came towards me the lions slowly backed away from me knowing that they lost the battle.  My parents stopped and looked at the lions as they slowly backed away from me and the herd.  My uncle Colton charged at one of the lions and hit it sending it flying 5 feet into the air, Then into the river with the crocodile that had attacked me earlier.  The other lions ran away from me with my family chasing them. I returned to my parents smiling happily.

As I walked back to my parents I felt joy and relief that I was alive, I had a few scratches but other than that I was fine.  I remembered the look on the lions as they saw my parents heard coming up to them, coming to get me back. I smiled at that thought. I had learned my lesson, never go into the wild areas of the savanna as a calf.