This term for the past 5 weeks in writing we have been writing a narrrative. The narrative was about a Chimp that was sent into space, So far this is my story. I hope you like my narrative that I wrote. This is also my first draft. Byee!
W.A.L.T write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
- Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
First draft
My Space Adventure
1961 was the time that I was a young beautiful animal, it was the best time to be alive in earth, or so I was told. I could hear mumbling while I was uncomfortably lying on a surgen table. I was used as a test subject my whole life. I was just playing in my room when my trainer Jake gave me food, I was confused that he was giving me food before lunch time. I didn’t care because I was already hungry so I ate it, the last thing I remembered was feeling dizzy and falling asleep while Jake was caring me to his job. I was feeling quiet disappointed because I was being used. Being a chimp is really cruel. I remembered when I first saw Jake, he was looking at me with his diamond blue eyes while talking to the zoo keeper. That day I felt loved for the first time. Yes I’m a chimp, an intelligent, funny looking, 3 year old chimp. Don’t ask. Now I’m stuck to a table, about to wear a astronaut suit and get sent into space alone and confused. I was meant to wake up five minutes ago but I wanted them to think I was dead. It didn’t work at all. They had a needle, my weakness. I started to open my eyes and look everywhere. I was knocked out with a metal bar.
I was starting to feel betrayed by Jake, he used me as a toy for money. I woke up in a chair, tied up with a seatbelt and in a spaceship. I wish this was a human instead of me. My heart was beating like I had just woken up from an endless nightmare alone. This is the end of my life. I felt like a toy that a baby left in a daycare alone and forgotten. I knew what they wanted from me, they wanted to see how a monkey would age in space. I was snapped out of my thoughts by loud screams of people saying things like ‘Will this chimp survive’ and ‘ This is one unlucky chimp we have’.”5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Blast off!”. I was meant to stay in space for 5 years, But for all I know is i’m going to be staying in space for approximately 65 years. Yeah i’m pretty smart for a chimp. I heard a voice through the crackling radio. I was rumbling side to side, my chair was rocking uncontrollably while I was sweating like no tomorrow. “Say goodbye to earth Zach and say hello to space.” I heard a familiar voice from the radio, Jake! The last thing I had of home was a photo of me and Jake. I remember that Jack had injected something into me, I think it was sleeping serum. The last thing I remember is flying to the earth’s atmosphere and falling into a endless coma of black ...
65 Years later…
I woke up from my endless death like coma to a beeping noise around me, Where am I, why am I here. I had a blank moment of where I was, Then I remembered that I was in space.I looked at the years, months, days, hours and minutes I had stayed here in space. It's now 2026 I thought I was meant to stay here in this hellhole capsule for 5 years… this is what I get for being in a coma. At Least I was right on being in a coma for 65 years. I looked into the control panel and looked at a terrifying figure that I assumed was me What happened to me!? Why do I look so old? I had a grey wispy moustache, a grey stubble, some wrinkles near my head and nose and I also had weak bones so I couldn’t move at all, apart from my hands.
I looked at the control panel again and pressed the communication button...... nothing. I was stuck in space forever. This is how I wanted to die, In space. I was slowly floating in my space capsule around a moon like planet when a bright light flashed before me. It was a beautiful sight to look at. I realised it was the milky way when I saw a wave of blue, magenta, purple, pink, navy blue, white and baby blue. I was starstruck….. Then it hit me, I could die here alone with no family. I didn’t want to shed a tear it was forbidden now , I was very good with hiding my emotions. There was another bright light that was burning my eyelids while I was looking at the stars. The light had gone and before me was my home….. Earth! I looked at the Earth and all it's glory. I could see the thickness of the Earth's atmosphere. I calculated if I could make it with the amount of fuel.. I could make it but it would be a rough landing. I was ready for anything and it was now or never. I used up all of my unused fuel and fell into the earth's atmosphere. I felt like I had needles slowly poking into my weak body over and over again. I was rumbling side to side which hurt me alot, but I didn’t mind. I could see the parachutes flop up from their despencer for safe landing….. And boy did it hurt when landing. I looked out the window to see land….. I mentally high fived myself for the landing.
I looked at myself again then saw that the seat belt was loose, I must've lost a lot of weight while in that coma. I saw the photo and took it with me. The space suit was very tight. I slowly unbuckled the belt and painfully got out of the space capsule.
I looked at the place in front of me that I once called home. A tear ran down my face. The once fully leaved trees were now naked sticks on the land, The once groomed ground was now dusty burnt ground. The buildings were shattered like glass that broke. A once beautiful world now looks like a discarded wasteland
There was no use of calling anybody since there was no civilization around me. But I did it anyway “Hello! Anybody! Help me!” I screamed. Since I didn’t know how to speak human it came out as weird noises. Nothing. It was hopeless to scream out for anybody since everybody was gone.
I was startled by a rumbling noise in front of me. I looked around for the owner of that noise. I looked down and saw that I was the owner. My stomach was roaring for food while my throat was dry from the lack of water and nutrition I got. I helplessly sighed…. What am I supposed to do now? As I was thinking I saw a building that was the most homely. I felt like worshiping the building right in front of me, and I did that. I was very, very stupid chimp today.
When I knelt down my fragile body fell on the floor face first. My bones felt like sticks being crushed and broken. I was silent for a few seconds until the pain rushed through my fragile body. I screamed in agony as the pain rushed through my whole body.
Suddenly I felt movement near me.
“Help me please!” I cried.
The moving object thing came towards me with a shank. A-a human.
“Ooh something to eat finally!” The human said. I knew what was happening
“Please don’t do this!” I screamed before I was cut into half, the last thing I remembered of the world was… jake and the photo. I took the photo out of my pocket and looked at it. It brought a smile to my face. “Thank you Jake, for everything that you’ve done for me.” Was the last thing I had whispered before I descended into the world of darkness. And thats my first draft. Thanks for looking at my story!
